what if I miss my chance? 


I’m sitting here watching a movie. I can’t help but feel like I was the girl in the beginning a few years ago, awkward, not that pretty, quiet, couldn’t look at a guy without freezing. But she changed her life, she found confidence, she got a makeover, she want to school. She found a life for herself. I feel like I’m finding a life for myself, I’m still young, and I found confidence, I’ve lost weight. But she has done all these things, To better herself, and she got a man. Yes! It’s a movie, I know that, but am I doing something wrong? 
I mean I’m 22 years old, and I’ve never had sex , never kissed a guy, held a guys hand, never been in any kind of relationship. Don’t get me wrong there’s not a lot of people my age that can’t say that! I am proud of myself that I’m not one of those people. I care so much about those parts of me, I just don’t want anyone to have them. I feel like that what has made me so distance from talking to guys, and being friends with them. And ‘not needing to be in a relationship’ I’m afraid, I’m scared. But she changed her life for the better. So i can do it? I’m going to do it! When it comes to guys, I’m letting my Guard down a with them. Maybe? I don’t know, it’s scary. I’m scared of my heart getting broke, and I know my heart is gonna get broken it’s apart of life, it happened to all of us. But I think I’m also scared of the awkwardness, and silence if they don’t feel the same, and the possible chance of you losing a friend because you read into something wrong, or maybe it’s all in my head. I let my guard down once with someone, and I poured my heart out to him, told him how I felt and nothing back he didn’t feel the same. Yes, we’re still really good friend but that’s another story. But there this guy now, I really like him, and he everything, I’ve ever thought I wanted in a guy. But I don’t know how he’s feels, I feel like I’m reading too much into things, and that it’s all in my head, and I don’t know, and I don’t know if I really want to say anything, because I don’t want to make it weird, if he really doesn’t feel the same way. But what if I’m missing chance… 


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