Dear diary; 4/21/16


Dear diary,

 In my head I’m thinking “oh she’s doing another fucking dear diary” but man, I really need to get some things off my chest. 

“It can only go up from here” I’m sure you’ve heard that saying more than a few times in your life. I said that last week. 

I talked to someone very dear to me on Monday. It’s only Friday. He was the one who told me it could only get better from here but, he also said it could get worse. 

Shit. He was right. As usual. 

I feel like I went even deeper into the black hole that I’ve already been in this past month. 

Today was a breaking point in life. 

I had a mental breakdown. 

I cried, I screamed, I lost my fucking mind. 

I felt as if I really went crazy this time. 

This really was one of the lowest times in my 26 years. 
Who the hell am I? 

Where did I go wrong? 

I went back to the old me. Before everything changed for the better. 
I went back to my mean, anxious, bitchy, old habit ways.  
If you’re constantly thinking of bad shit, the bad shit is going to keep continuing. 

((But, it is true {I guess} It can only get better from here.))
I let all that out finally, and finally I can see that it, whatever I’ve been going through, will be okay. I can make it through this darkness. I feel little lighter. I feel a little more like me again. Not the best but she’ll be back. 🙃

Everything will be okay; know this. 
There are many brighter days to come. 

Tomorrow
is a new day. 

mc 

4/21/16 

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