Dear diary; I think I’m going crazy. 

Dear diary,

Jumbled, confused, fuzzy brain, tired, but sleep like crap, hungry like a wolf, cranky, never wanting to leave my house, depressed, back to old habits.
Its like I take a few steps and see that my life is better, feeling better, looking better, meditating, eating healthy, going places, having fun with friends. 

Now here I am back to square one; 

Excuse me but, what in the actual fuck is going on with me. What happened to me. Why do I feel like nothing. Why does it feel like I’m right back to being in zombie mode but, this time I’m aware of it and I can feel every freaking thing. Sometimes I think I’m better off being back on the meds maybe I wouldn’t be so anxious. But I will never go through that again. Maybe this is just the back lash of long term side effects of all the meds I was on. I got through all of that bull getting off all my meds. I suppose I can get through this. But, I just don’t see it right now. I’m depressed and sad and I have this feeling I can’t even explain. Sorta like someone died or my heart was broken. I don’t like this. Get me out now. I’m good going back to the way things were starting to become. I’m not this person who wants to stay in bed all day and be miserable. Anxious. I’m always so anxious, it feels like my heart is going to explode out of my chest. It feels like every day is the same over and over again. Life on repeat. Time to hit next.

How? Right now I’m not so sure. 

But I’ll figure it out along the way, 

sooner or later.

mc 

Ps. I needed to get this off my chest I feel a little better, thank you to any one reading ⭐️

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