All over the place part II

  
This is a struggle for me. 

Lately I’ve been depressed. 

There I said it. Maybe not out loud but, it’s there, creeping over me like a dark shadow. 

It’s been since the end of November that I’ve gotten off my meds. 

I feel pretty empty inside. 

Why do I feel like this. 

Mean and irritable 

Makes me really think why I got off my meds in the first place?

Oh yea, because I was a zombie. I felt nothing for the longest time. Now I feel everything. Maybe the last four years are catching up to me all at once.  
What the hell is going on with me?

Why is this happening? 

I’m lost and lonely. 

Not that I need someone to take care of me. 

I would like that but, at the same time I would like to be free. 
I often dream of a different/better life yet I’m still here stuck in this same one.. Day after day repeating the same thing.. Hoping something will change.

 

I get it. I’m the only one who can change it. 
But honestly,
I need a break from my brain.

{it’s just leading me to constant negative thoughts, even when I truly am being positive}

What gives ? 

Maybe I need to try better at meditation. It literally can only get better from here. 
I’ve done the medicine, I’ve done the shrinks some good and some bad but, I think I need to figure this one out on my own for once..because depending on “things” or people isn’t the way for me anymore. 
I’m really ready for the fog to clear. 

I’m ready to figure out what I want to do with my life. Spitting that sentence out scares me and makes me want to vomit at the same time. Because, I have no clue what the future holds. 
But, it’s better to feel scared than the feeling of nothing at all. 
{As I’m sitting here writing this I already feel better.. It’s good to get this off my chest even if no one reads this. 

I recently started watching new girl a few days ago and I thought I wouldn’t be able to have a genuine belly laugh ever like babies do. I laugh a lot but it just wasn’t the same lately. 

I almost peed my pants a few times. Thank you Netflix.} 

Hang on MoonChild it can only get brighter from here.. ✨

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