Dear Diary 


I’ve been in a funk lately. 
Getting off anti-depressants is a bitch..

The doctor never tells you it’s going to be this shitty. Wonder why 😐 

One day I wake up and feel perfectly amazing like I can conquer the world, the next day, bam, “it was nice knowing you everyone I’m gonna go back to my hole now”. 

No one said it was going to be easy. Obviously nothing in life is that easy. 

But why in the HELL does it have to be so hard to get off a pill that was so easy to just pop in my mouth once a day?  (Effexor, why the hell did they make this pill?) I went four years without feeling a lot of emotions I should of been feeling..

Now, their coming back with a vengeance. I feel a lot of things now. I feel different but still so far away.. I still have to take the damn pill every few days so my body isn’t off balance or I don’t have these weird “brain jolts” or, so I can just function. Instead of sleeping my life away or being too sick to do anything. It literally sucks. Withdrawal sucks.

I tried to be superwoman and go four days without taking one. I knew in the back of my head it wasn’t the best idea but I went with it. But the fourth day was rough. I woke up fine but, after about an hour of being awake I felt like death was coming. More of those amazing brain jolts it’s like my whole body is being shocked. I pretty much will be good if I sit here all day. I Don’t have time to be sick. I don’t think I can ever get used to this (side note; I’m complaining so much right now I hate it)  I’m just ready for this part of my life to be over. Time to turn the page on this chapter. 

 The day I never have to take that stupid little orange pill anymore is the day I’ll finally be okay. The withdrawals suck but, they’ll eventually pass as these next couple of weeks go on.. 

The negative thoughts, anger, sadness are all bullshit that comes with the weaning off the meds. I don’t wanna be around people who are negative anymore it just makes me more upset. Makes it more easy for me to just bury myself back into the hole I just came out of. I’m never going back into that hole.. 

I’m almost to the finish line. I’ll be okay. It’s always worse before it gets better.. I just need to stay positive and get through the hardest part.. Right now.

As long as I have my family and friends putting up with me I’ll be just fine. And laughter. Laughing is the best part of my day. 

“Please believe that things are good with me, even when they’re not, they will be soon enough..” -The perks of being a Wallflower 


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